Why do those who love you, hurt you
Yesterday I brought love home, she was happy purring
Just then my beagle started barking and love shriveled with fear
She contracted, wanted to run away and in that escaping without knowing, she clawed me all over
The stench of her fear clung to me
Those who love you immensely, yet hurt you, are the ones who carry memories, like the love of being mauled by dogs
Their earlier wounds still ooze
And fear drives all the things they do
Fear of being alone
Fear of disappointing others
Fear of confronting my own pain and numbness
The opposite of love is not hate
It is fear
I have been this person
I will go and find love again
Pet her
Calm her
I will whisper to her
It pained
That it is ok
For she did not know any better
I need to hug her tighter
Make her feel safe
Dissolve her fears
The whispering is to me as well
And for my 15 year old who claws at times
And needs to be deeply held
Not understood
But loved
Without conditions…..